The 4 Steps to Cultivating Your Capacity to Hold Success

Simone Berger
Apr 15
11 min read

Have you ever asked yourself how able and willing you are to hold success when it comes to you? Most books and teachings focus on supporting people to be successful, to achieve great things, but when have you been taught to successfully hold success?

Allow me to share a brief view on how you can cultivate this ability so that you can curb any sabotages that might want to keep you in your old mould or comfort zone.

You can get addicted to the path to success and the pain that it takes to get there, so when success finally arrives, you subconsciously avoid leaning into it based on hidden fears, feelings of worthlessness, or old beliefs.

You might avoid sitting with the sensation of success too long as it brings up uncomfortable feelings. Success asks you to break out of your old ways of thinking and doing, cracking you open into an unknown void of new possibility. Success asks you to burn your old identity and step up into a new, more impactful human being.

"The moment you feel that, just perhaps, you are walking down the street naked… that’s the moment you may be starting to get it right." — Neil Gaiman

Success will force you to be vulnerable and place you in a position to be seen, admired, criticised, and judged. Success will motion people out of your life who do not align to your new state of achievement, and their exit can bring pain. Or they may want to keep you in your old familiar mould to make them feel more comfortable. Finally, success will unleash a snowball effect of new life experiences aimed to sweep you towards new destinations and new adventures.

Can you sense some anxiety rising as I speak these truths? Holding success is a learnt skill and some of us may not have had caregivers who were able to hold it themselves, let alone teach us how to do it.

Well, it’s time. It's your birthright to be well, to express yourself, to add value, and to be successful. Whatever success means to you, be it money, health, relationships, spiritual development, or your vocation, I invite you to face whatever is limiting you from experiencing the full life you have been yearning for.

So let’s get real.

What you're experiencing is not bad luck; it's...

Feeling unsafe with success
Believing that ease = laziness
Believing that if money comes easily, you don't deserve it
A fear that once you're wealthy, more will be expected of you
A fear that making more money = less freedom
A fear that people will take advantage of you
Being afraid to deal with the discomfort and resentment from others
Feeling you have to suffer first
A fear of losing your drive if you achieve all your dreams
An identity attachment to being the hardworker
An emotional block around your competence to handle big success
An identity around being the giver, not the receiver
A subconscious guilt of earning more than your parents
Fears around becoming lonely and unrelatable
A memory of money bringing drama so now you avoid it
A fear that more visibility = more judgement and criticism
Guilt that you're taking money, success, and opportunities away from others
A belief that you have to "be better" (smarter, more qualified) to be ready
A fear of loss. The more you have, the more there is to maintain and lose

It’s here in the uncertainty and in feeling unsafe where your success lives. Holding success has a natural rhythm to it, and if you motion into it slowly and gently, it will expand your capacity to stay with the expansive nature of it. After a while, you get into its flow.

"There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." — Aristotle

What is Your Set Point?

Your nervous system is wired for safety, not overflow. It is deciding how much success you achieve. So the question is, how much success can your nervous system hold without seeing it as too dangerous? This is called your set point. The power to succeed is all here, in your capacity to expand into success, without moving to safety.

You can have the perfect offer, the best strategy, and show up every single day, but if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe receiving more success, your subconscious will find ways to block it.

So what you're dealing with isn't anything you're doing wrong. It's a safety problem. Your nervous system has to feel safe holding success. Your body needs to feel safe with flow, money, success, happiness, and love before any of your external experiences can shift.

You can manifest as much success as you want, but if your nervous system is not prepped to hold it and care for it, your success will leak away. This can show up as sabotaging your business, your earnings, your new relationship, or your happiness.

The key is to slowly and gently expand your set point at every new level of success, teaching your nervous system that the unknown is not threatening. See how in step 3 below.

The Reticular Activating System

We all carry deep subconscious patterns and beliefs based on what we’ve been fed in childhood. The brain likes familiarity. Of course! Makes sense if survival is its key focus. So it sticks to these patterns because this is what it knows, and it has proof that these patterns have kept you alive so far.

Whether the patterns are limiting you or sabotaging you is not a concern to your brain. Therefore, shifting away from these ingrained and familiar patterns is not in its best interest. In fact, anything unfamiliar is immediately seen as a threat.

To overcome this old patterning, you must recode your Reticular Activating System, or RAS. The RAS is a network of neurons located in the brain stem. It receives sensory information and decides what data to filter out and what data will reach your conscious brain.

This is great; however, it only allows data through to the brain that affirms your old and familiar patterns. In this way, eliminating all other possibilities.

A great example is when you’re keen to buy a new car. You love the look of the new Subaru Forester and spend many hours researching this car. Have you noticed how suddenly you start seeing this exact car model on the road everywhere? To your RAS, familiarity means it’s important, so it’ll ensure that you see the car anytime it shows up in your reality by allowing this data to filter through.

Now, back to our topic of holding success. If you have a belief that says, "I have to work hard to make money," you will only notice the hardship and struggle it takes to make money, or if you believe that "the dating scene has become sleazy," you might become defensive and closed up when engaging with others. If you believe that "dreams are meant to stay dreams," you might procrastinate on getting started, distracting yourself with unimportant daily admin.

Start observing what you keep attracting, and you will find a hidden belief driving it. Whatever the goal, your sabotages will steer you to the opposing principle.

How to Make Success Safe

The two quickest ways to recode your RAS and expand your nervous system's set point are through gratitude and familiarity.

Gratitude: By acknowledging the positive in your life, you can teach your RAS to look for more of these experiences. This will shift the patterning in your brain from being victimised to living abundantly.

Familiarity: By creating familiarity around the success you desire, you teach your RAS what is most important to send to your brain. This will strengthen the possibility of success, making it less dangerous to the brain. See step 3 below.

It's important to keep expanding your nervous system's set point so that you embody success as a natural part of life. It is also important to take ownership of your RAS so that you generate proof in your reality that aligns with your goals and desires. In this way, get the subconscious mind on board with your dreams and optimise its support.

Here are 10 truths that your subconscious mind doesn't Know Yet:

Inspired by Jamie Constrastano.

Your abundance is a gift to the world. The more you allow yourself to expand into receiving, the more opportunity you have to spread love, kindness, and impact in the world.
If you care about the state of the world, you have a responsibility to be successful because money and power in the hands of good-hearted people change everything.
You being happy and healthy helps shape the success of those around you. It gives you power to influence others for the better simply by being you.
Being authentic is attractive to the world. It reminds others to do the same, creating a community that is more at ease with itself.
Money is neutral. Its a tool. The emotions and beliefs you attach to it can be the difference between scarcity and supporting people who really need it.
Love is not about validation. It is about expansion. Having the courage to give and receive fully, nurturing your partner and yourself.
Money is not about luxury. It is about liberation. Having the freedom to generate what you believe is important to the world and your own well-being.
Health is not about perfection. It is about alignment. Honoring the rhythms of your body, mind, and spirit so you can live with vitality, presence, and purpose.
Success can be a powerful force for change, and to do this, it needs your unique values, ideas, gifts, and talents to partner with it to express itself in the community.
Your soul-driven purpose could reach far beyond your current circumference, influencing, supporting, and healing thousands out there.

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

4 Steps to Holding Success

Step 1 - Become Aware

The first step is always awareness. To create change, we need to first become aware of our hidden beliefs that are holding us back from allowing success through with ease. So here is a good starting point. Ask yourself, "What stories am I holding around creating and sustaining success?"

Think about the end goal, you arriving at the goal you truly want, and then ask, "What am I afraid will happen if this goal comes true?" or "What do I believe I will have to sacrifice to achieve and maintain this dream?"

Step 2 - Be Willing

Step 2 asks you to give yourself the permission to succeed. Be willing. This is all it takes to crack open enough to allow new possibilities to motion in.

Using your breath, do the following:

Breathe in any uncomfortable feelings associated with success, e.g. nervousness, fear, doubt. Allow it to just be there, without needing to fix it.
Breathe out, saying, “I am willing to be/feel…”. E.g. "I am willing to be nervous. I am willing to be afraid. I am willing to be doubtful." As you do this, imagine every muscle in your body softening to this surrender.
Do this as many times as you need, repeating “I am willing…” in response to every new emotion or fear that arises. Normally, as they release from you, new ones pop up. Keep releasing each one in the same way, e.g. "I am willing to fail. I am willing to be judged. I am willing to feel uncertain. I am willing to shine. I am willing to be brilliant" etc.
Continue until you feel an increased inner resilience, expansiveness or lightness.

"Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen." — Brené Brown

Step 3 - Increase your Set Point

Find a quiet place where you cannot be distracted and do the following:

1. Be very clear about what wealth or success looks like for you. How would you feel waking up in the morning? How would feel going to bed at night after a fulfilling day of this? How are you showing up differently? What are you feeling and experiencing?

2. Go find a replica of this experience in your life. Be it in nature, being with loved ones, getting lost in a creative endeavour, observing others in flow, etc. This does not need to cost you anything. Make yourself familiar with the experience that you're after. E.g. test drive the car, read autobiographies about successful people in your industry, or holiday in the place you long to live.

3. Making ourselves familiar with the experience we're after helps regulate the nervous system and also reconfigures your RAS to find more proof of this in your reality.

4. Lastly, energetically sense yourself as being part of that system of experience. Own it as if it's a natural part of you. Just like when you enjoy a movie, a person, or an idea and how you feel connected to it. Do the same with your goals. See yourself as connected to it, owning it as yours. Make it a part of your system.

5. This eases the nervous system, telling it that the goal or experience you want is already yours. That it’s a natural part of you. This will allow your nervous system to relax into it.

Step 4 - Ground into a Ritual

And the last tip to holding success more sustainably is to choose a ritual that centres you. A mantra, a prayer, meditation, a daily walk, a power pattern, reflection or journaling. Something to root yourself in. As you rise into success, as your dreams begins to show themselves, this ritual becomes a symbol of remaining humble and focused on what’s important.

It is also there to maintain calibration to your true north when dealing with the inevitable falls and mistakes that come along on the path to success. When your inner critic tells you to give up or when your sense of worth is questioned, come back to this ritual as a way to commit back to the path.

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." - Marianne Williamson

It will keep you grounded when others feel threatened, jealous, or resentful of you. As well as when others follow you, praise you, and look up to you. Rituals strengthens our intention and increases our resilience so that we are not swayed by anything that occurs as a result of fostering our success.

Embracing The Void

Practice becoming more and more comfortable with the void that will envelop you as you step into a new sense of self and suffer the loss of your old self, your old ideas, and your old comforts. This is a normal and very important part of the growth process.

The void is that feeling of emptiness, loneliness, or restlessness you normally distract yourself from. When you allow yourself to not have all the answers and to be as spacious as possible, you’ll begin to fill your time with right action instead of useless activity that dissolves your focus.

Don’t be too quick to fill the void. It’s a slow process to fill it up again, and for good reason. Life is now rearranging itself to meet your new level of alignment. This includes more aligned friends, lovers, business opportunities, and pathways that support your new state of being.

The void can make you feel lost, directionless, and confused. This is where most people cringe and return instead to their previous comfort zone. Instead, allow yourself to be with the edges. Celebrate uncertainty. Allow your life to look messy for a while. It is the chasm where new possibilities birth.

“As we practice moving into the present moment this way, we become more familiar with groundlessness. A fresh state of being that is available to us on an ongoing basis. This moving away from comfort and security, this stepping out into what is unknown, unchartered and shaky – that’s liberation.” - Pema Chodron.

In conclusion:

Success comes and goes. It is slow, but it is sure. And you won’t always be able to pin exactly what you did right to bring it on or why it has ebbed back again. Stay focused on the end vision, expanding into it daily, and keep recoding your energetics to align to it.

Be kind to yourself. Keep being willing. Keep following your bliss. And each time success comes to visit you, let it stretch you out of shape, remould you, and crack you open into wider, more expansive places.